Author: NAKIRAYI RITA MUKAAYA

We started from the bottom but look where we are, not at the top yet. How this year started , we could foreshadow all the events that happened through out the year. But still the year kept on surprising us each time we tore a leaf off the calendar. All the same if life were predictable , it would cease to be life.

Each new day we present new ideas and each new year we have new plans, goals and dreams to make a reality. Throughout the year we were slapped with challenges we thought we couldn’t handle but realised it was just a walk over. In the same way we still received tones of joy which are an open door to excitement bringing us to making decisions we either regret or proud of . Well, it’s all just life. We spent the entire year trying to be strong ,forgetting to be happy and we at a later time remember that time will always fly.

We all want things to fall into place. HNY in advance .

There is time when you feel abandoned like deepest darkness. You feel mother earth is against you. That’s when you understand the mysteries of life, for nobody rejects you when you still have yourself.

We always plan for the next day not knowing what will happen that next day. You may plan for your best meal cooked but it turns out by the next day , you can’t afford it . But we always have hope in the next day .

Looking through the life of an average girl child or woman. Everyone expects them to need a masculine hand inorder to make it especially in my continent Africa. Nobody ever believes that there can be a one woman army thinking women only make emotional decisions. “Well I don’t but am still a woman.”

Society thinks it has the power to make and destroy a woman , to mould and define her. Forgetting that it can only have that power when given to by a woman . For example looking at a girl child only done with her bachelor’s degree , society will demand that gets a spouse ,persuading her to believing that she can’t face the world alone. Well as a boy child will be questioned why he doesn’t have source income before getting a spouse. I would prefer girls regarding themselves as nouns and not adjectives. Because nothing defines them, nobody moulds them and tells them what to do , a woman can be self made .

It’s absurd that whenever society sees a woman winning, they look for the man behind it. Well women should never be invisible and erased in their own glory. I don’t wish women to have power over men but just over themselves. We should try to understand that this is not a men verses women issue, it’s people verses prejudice.

Honestly speaking, this world isn’t our home.

Sometimes I feel good about numerous facts in life,but most times I question myself why certain things should ever happen. Somehow I wish I wasn’t created a girl maybe the guy in me would be better. Truth be told being a babe is headache but definitely have to live with it.

I don’t know what I want, I can’t see the sun neither can I see the light. My entire life is full of questions. What’s this sweet pain they have always told me about. What’s beauty within, what’s even love. Trust me am almost 24 but I feel like I was born yesterday. What’s that thing that nobody ever tells me about. Am tired of finding out on my own. Am tired of believing wat I once thought is unbelievable. Anyway am just me, I also don’t know anything anymore.

It’s been long since you last heard from me my lovelies . How ever nature is a friend have moved with hand in hand strengthening me all through this journey of life. Looking at the wild flowers blooming in harsh weather , it brings peace to my heart and mind making me believe that life is just perfect the way it is. Praise Jesus all is better, best and better than the best.

We all know that life is a journey, a river that keeps flowing that you can’t relive a moment you had before, You can’t touch the same water you touched before. Well ,the wind will always blow all kinds of people towards you but that very wind will blow them away. Yah, that’s life. You will realize that each and every one is trying to reach their unknown destiny. However there is difference between a person you meet and walk with in this journey and a person who will hold your hand when you are falling, a person who will clean your bloody knees and gives you the courage of lioness to go on. A person who will read your lips before you open them. A person who will carry you on their back when your feet can’t take you any further. And a person who secretly cares. These are people who make you see the light even when your filled with darkness .

Many of us love the light, we all yarn for it. But we are all covered with darkness . Sometimes it’s just noticing those people that will make you see the light. Trust God above all, He is always with you.

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This corona holiday a lot of things came up. One negative thing is depression, both young and old can experience depression. However the young,the teenagers find it hard to handle. Some believe it is a chemical imbalance in the brain or a lack of serotonin in the brain .As for me I know its causes are not just a handfull. Things like breakups, having illnesses that last long,eating disorder ,missing somebody so badly among others can cause depression. Almost 20% of children in the world get depressed and they do not know what to do. They feel sad,angry all the time,lose weight , performance declines, poor hygiene and always in a depressed mood. Its just heartbreaking that many parents ignore the emotional changes in the lives of there children especially in Africa.

It pours acid down my throat to know that some parents get more bitter when they see these signs in their children. They dont care how they talk to their children,how they treat them or whether they hurt. Some times parents hurt their children but they always take it for granted. Being elders, they think they know it all and always right. Sometimes children just need a simple sorry. In Uganda (Busoga) there is a saying “Omukuulu tasoobya” meaning elders never err. In this case, the young have to apologise for the mistakes an elder makes . Well, heavens will never fall when you apologise to your children, its just another level of maturity. You can do it in a creative manner, buy them a gift just to assure them that no matter what happens “I love you”.

It can’t stop shining if you give your children a chance to critize you. However this should be in a respective way. In that way you will know what really hurts those babies.Have an alone time with your children,open up to them they will surely trust you with all their hearts. Have you ever asked yourself whether your children trust you, can they tell you what they call deep secrets or they run some where else.

Fighting depression among children starts with parents. If you can’t help them handle it ,they will always find a way. You are not sure which way. Don’t send your child to hell because you failed to understand them.Before you express bitterness first ask, why? Nothing hurts like being misunderstood by your own parents.Tell those children to seek God, teach them that God is above all. Be your child’s best friend. You will get the best out of them. You can’t be perfect, always ask God

Sitting all alone at her table reading and writing. No one seemed interested in the loner’s presence . She had never stayed away from a book all her born days. She was asked why she always writes alot of nonsense and sense, why she reads books way beyond she could handle.

She answered; its not just writing and reading, it is something beyond love. It a world in which I touch the untouchable,taste the tasteless ,feel the unfelt and full of controversies. In this world, the sound of the moon is like heavenly music,the glowing stars light the dark paths ,the fight between the moon and the sun makes me develop tightening claws. It is a magical carpet on which i sit and fly above the sky ,pick stars and light my small world. I tour the world . It is not just reading and writing, it is life, the heart of it all is joy.

Excited about campus obviously I reach there, little did I know am heading for my destruction, the open mouth of death ready to have its next feast. As a young boy of 18 the word ‘campus’ sounded like a place where green grass never turns brown ,like the land of milk and honey, my brain never thought of the bee stings that my body had to bear .Its campus I said with an endless smile on my face.

Being a mummy’s boy ,Daddy has to escort to campus on that first day.Promising to be the son dad will surely be proud of, he had to leave me with an emoji smile on his face.After a long day had to have blanket drill ,couldn’t stop imagining of how life without parents would be like.

Started my new life with a godess of beauty, God! her oval shaped eyes that gilter like diamond. Her smile that immediately healed my soul ,well even when she talked I never listened to the words but her soothing voice. To me she carried all the beauty in the world. My African Queen.

At that time it never crossed my mind that she was already working and am just a starter, who would think about it when everything ,everything finds you right where you are. She even did my coursework, what more would a campus boy want.

“I want to get married” At first I didn’t hear the words but looking at her serious face that never was ,I had to rewind the moment ,the words where loud and clear.”I want to get married”and without knowing ,i said its fine .she was so excited and jumped around like a young happy deer.Then I realised from her happiness that she wanted me to marry her.

Went back to my small room and like a school bell ,the words rang in my head. I never wanted it that way, I was too young to handle a marriage, and what would my father think of me, marrying at eighteen and a person way older than me. NO.

Had to tell her. Walked hurriedly to her office next morning finding her busy with her bosses. The gilter in her eyes was even brighter,had never seen a complete real smile but I saw one that day. How hard it became for me to even get closer ,how far my spirit was from hers ,but without thought just went straight to her table and said “am not marrying you”. She smiled and simply said “I know am gorgeous”. It was that simple.

She just called to ask whether I will be going back to my room. Well, I only remember a hot pour on me ,the unbearable pain that welcomed me to my first grave. I had played with a mad hyena.

Waking up looking at my disappointed father who had no tears to shed for a son so usless. Then I felt a strong heat within me ,as though something is boiling on my face and neck.My legs were meatless like a shell. I could see the bones ,red white meat on my thighs. It was deep burning pain in my body.

Wanted to ask how I got there but not with my half burnt tongue , could not say a word. I couldn’t even cry for it would feel like sending arrows of a scorpion on my meatless cheeks. The pain in my heart was hotter that the acid that burnt me.

ACID ,she never thought that it could burn my spirit too. She had done it, she killed me. I once smiled and laughed but now i have no laughter to burst for it would injure my balless socket. I told my father to count me dead and wasted for I will continue draining his wallet in the name of treatment.I would have done one useful thing ,atleast one ,I yarn for a chance but Am as good as dead ,sometimes a corpse is useful. Am dead burning in my first hell ,but before I retire, Acid survivors deserve more than the world can give. Its takes more than strength to survive.